Fear of the Dark?

I am riding motor-bike through an empty dark road at middle of night. The only part of the road i can see is the area that the head lights of my bike can cover. And when i look in the rear-view mirror i can see only darkness.

I turn back and give a look to my friend, who is accompanying me as pillion rider. There is complete silence, but sometimes we can hear some strange voices. That may be the reason both of us are not talking to each other at all, contemplating what these strange voices are and from where are they coming.

After a while, we see something lying on the road in a jute bag. And then the silence is broken. My friend asks, "Is that dead body?". Even i doubt the same but i replied, "No, that was just a bag, forget about it.", and i turn the accelerator as far as i can.

Again, i look in the rear-view mirror, and i see nothing but darkness. Suddenly, i notice the text on the mirror saying - "Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.". I feel fear running through my spine, and i ask my friend, "can you relate this text written on the mirror, with what you see in it?". I get no reply back. I look back to get an answer, but i see there is no one riding with me, and i realised yes how can it be because i started the jiurney alone. But why did i see my friend in mind, riding with me? Is it just "Fear of the Dark" or was it really an object that came too near to me?

Jaadu Ki Jhappi

Once upon a time in my life not so long ago, i was feeling too low and i was crying from within. I did not know what to do and so i was wandering hopelessly and aimlessly. Just by a chance, i was noticed by two of my friends passing by. One of them came to me and asked what happened. I do not remember what i replied but he figured it out that i was feeling down at that moment. He did not say anything but just hugged me for few seconds and left. When he had left i was feeling better but still there were tears in my eyes, not because i was feeling down but because i was touched by the warmth of friendship he showed to me that day. It was only at that time i realised what a simple, but not so simple, hug from a friend can do. I realised a hug from a friend is a best therapy to feel better and i still believe in this therapy.

I have really started to believe in this 'Jaadu Ki Jhappi' treatment and believe me you all should definitely give it a try once. If you see any of your good friend feeling down and lost somewhere and you think he/she needs some emotional support then just try giving him a hug and trust me this will make a difference. Or get yourself hugged from a true freind of yours when you are feelind down and then you will realise what i mean.

Anyways, i do not know if that friend of mine about who i am talkin about will be able to recall that moment but what i know is that he will be reading this post. If he is able to figure it out then i will love to see his comment down here :-)

No Shit, Anymore

Enough of bullshit. I guess i get carried away so easily and this is ruining the quality of my blog. The recent posts have been all crap and i think i come up with the conclusions too soon without even tryin to know the story at the other side.

Well, so my blog will have no more shit of this kind and i will continue posting my freaky philosophy of life rather than cryin over things that do not mean anything.

For all those who i might have hurted through the medium of my blog here goes what i earlier posted -> "Please Forgive Me" , and i hope you will forgive me.

So this is the last shit here, i hope so.

Insignificantly Significant

Most of my posts on my blog talk about the same thing and they seem to be all same. What's different in them? If there is nothing that is different then why do i keep on writing what is all same? My posts are all same because usually i feel the same everytime. Or may be i write on my blog only when i am having that similar feeling that always provked me to write something on this blog. Well again, i am back with something that will resemble my last post.

i always think that i have some significance in this life, i think that i am significant to many, specially my friends, but what i feel is completely different. I think that i am significant, but i feel that i am insignificant. I do not know which of them is true. I do not know what i think is true or what i feel is true. Am i significant or am i insignificant, or is it that i am INSIGNIFICANTLY SIGNIFICANT?

i seriously do not know why i feel this way but sometimes somethings happen that do make me believe that i have no importance, people dont give a fuck to my existence and i am no one but just another person in their lives. The reason that may explain why i feel to be an isignifcantly siginificant person can be that i always think that i can go to any extent when my friends are concerened and i think i can do any thing for my friends. I not only think but i know i can and i will. But the problem is i always expect to get the same thing back from my friends. I think that if i can do so much why cant my friends do it for me. I sometimes feel that unnecessarily i keep on doing so much for my freinds and in return i get nothing. There are small things in life that may not mean anything for others but they do mean something to me. And these small things sometimes make me feel that i have no importance and i mean nothing and i do not exist for many.

Well, even if it still goes like this i will always keep on loving my friends, i will always try to think that i am siginificant to them, even if i get a feeling of being insignificant. I will love to live an Insignificantly Significant life rather than thinkin that i am no one.

FIRST TIME

People keep on coming and going in your life and very few of them become friends of yours. For me its a different thing, people come in my life and i start to think that they are my great friends.

Regarding freinds i have a philosophy in life. According to me people will fall under 2 categories, my friends and no one. I can do anythin for the first kind and will do nothing for others.

I dont think there is anything wrong with my philosophy, but there is something wrong with my thinking for sure. I start thinkin that the person who i consider as a great friend of mine will also have similar thinkin abt me. I always have some set of expectations defined from that person, and this is where my thinkin fails.

If i think about my friends and my gang (friends' group) even from my school days and then college days and then those i made at my work place, i think i always had some respect among my friends. I always used to be famous, atleast for few, among my friends and if i had to say something everyone will listen to me. But, for the first time in my life i have felt just opposite of this. First time in my life i felt as being uninvited in a group that i thought to be my group, first time in my life i had a feeling that i am no one among my friends, first time i had a feelin that i m non-existent to many and first time i relaised what i have to say doesnt matter at all for many.

i always had a habit of being in limelight among my friends, but for the FIRST TIME that limelight has been shut down. Well, i know there is always the FIST TIME but i didnt want it that way. Either i am wrong in some ways or i just thought a group of people to be my friends who are not the way i expect my friends to be. Whatever it may be it is really for the FIRST TIME.

what i get to take, is what i can not take

One of my songs says that we have tried everything, we have given all that we had trying to live this life at its fullest, but still this life is a shit and we have nothing else left with us to give to it.

A friend of mine had some points to argue on this thing, as according to him/her "When we give something to this life, we always get something back from it. The relation is always of GIVE and TAKE. So when we are giving something we should also take what we get in return."

Well, i agree on that. I agree that relation is always give and take. But i do not agree that we should take everything we get in return. Why should i accept something that i do not want at all, i do not need at all and moreover when i know that thing makes my life full of shit. And this is what life gives us in return.

No matter how much we try to live on, no matter how much we give to this life, what it gives us in return (read what we get to take in return) is what that makes our life more shitty.

So why should we take all that, what we get to take from this life. I do not know about you, but i can not take, what i get to take.

Please Forgive Me

This is for all those who i have considered my frnds.

i know sometimes i behave too strange as i guess i m too moody and in those cases i generally say those things which i shouldn't ever had or which i do not even mean and which i do not even know that i have just said.

I just say all this without even thinking that it can hurt you and when i m back in my normal mood i think everything will be fine.

Yes, everything has always been fine after that till now and the credit for that goes to everyone of you for bearing me.

Thanks for everything and also i will like you all to forgive me for that.

i do not know why i have written all this but i was really feelin down at the moment thinkin that always its me who goof up everything.

A Normal Abnormal Life

Why do i write here? Well, the answer is simple. I write here coz i always have had problems expressin myself to someone.

Or may be i write here coz i dont want that person to know that i m writing this because of him/her. Though, i will admit that all of my previous posts, with few exceptions, were related to me only and not to anyone else.

May be, someone has caused me to write this, but still, again, the reason for this post is me only.

i m feelin somethin different, something strange these days. i have the feelin that i know why its happenin to me, but i dont want this to go on, coz i know in the end it will be me who is HURT.

i m not sure if i want others to know the reason for this and even if i want, i know i wont be able to express myself.

So, lets make it simple to avoid any confusions around.

i think my preferences are being changed, i think that i am being transformed into a normal person and that's what causin me problem now coz i always have loved my abnormal behaviour, i always have loved my days of miseries and i always have loved my pains.

Or again is it the same thing that i posted long back about 'Happiness, Misery, Sanity'.

Yes, its gotta be the same. i know what's going on now. i will have a short period of me living a normal happy life and after that my life will knock me down again. My life will make me understand not to rise and stay in the gutter where i always have been. My life will kick me hard on my face, to leave me to bleed profusely, and then i will enjoy my NORMAL life of being ABNORMAL, living happily ever after or ...

Finally ... upgrade is over!!

Well, it is about an year that google upgraded blogspot to blogger, but it took me really a long time to upgrade my blog to the new version.

The reasons were many.
First of all i had the skills to edit the old blogger templates to give it my custom looks. But when new blogger came i was not sure how will i get the same looks and feel on the new version.

Secondly, to get a hand on to the new version it required to devote some time on it.

Thirdly, i was busy with other blogs , that i started in new blogger only, and it was because of those i got to learn how will i edit the templates.

So, now i finally took out some time, with enough skills to give the same old feeling to my old template and upgraded it to the new blogger.

And if some of you are thinkin that i have not posted anything for a long time then let me tell you, i post here only if i m feelin frustrated, disgusted or down. And i m sure you will be findin a new post here within a few days coz this time again i m not able to decide what am i goin to do in my life, i m really confused as some developments are going on but not sure if they will be for good or as always .... BAD!!!

Reckless Creepy Freak

"I am losing my sight, i am losing my mind" these words are being running through my head again and again. For the past 5 days i go to work but do not work at all. I do not feel of doing anything. I am just lost somewhere and not able to decide what to do.

I want to cry but i am not able to, no one's here to let off my pains. I want to shed my tears, but i am not able to, there is no place left to let them drained.

My sickness is making me sicker and i have been growing weaker day by day, physically, mentally and emotionally. Physically, i do not need to explain; Mentally, yes i am going insane; Emotionally, i cant hold on the pain.

What i have to do now, where should i go now, who am i and what i want? I really myself do not know. Or else do i know?

Well, yes i know who i am. Before anyone of you judge me or before anyone of you open your mouth to speak, let me tell you i am a Reckless Creepy Freak.